Post Partum- The Real Deal

Hey everyone it’s Richelle again, and I wanted to really talk about something serious a lot of moms deal with. I  mentioned it a little in my last blog but I wanted to really write about it not that I’m an expert on it but I am going through it. It’s postpartum Depression and a lot of new moms go through it and nobody wants to talk about it. I guess it’s something that makes us feel bad and insecure about ourselves as mothers. If you have been through this or are going through this just know you are not alone, just because women wont talk about it doesn’t mean they aren’t going through it.

I told you that I started having some symptoms when my daughter was about 5 days old and now she is 6 weeks old and I am still having some weepy nights and some weird thoughts. I always wonder if I’m a bad mom because there are times when I look at her and I really feel like I don’t want her and then there are times when I think about how much life would be different if she weren’t here. Then I snap out that mood and I’m back to being a happy mom again it really does make you feel crazy, and if you been there you know what I mean. I know a lot of you were told that when you have your baby you will have an overwhelming feeling of love and you would be so in love with your baby and basically it would all be perfect, and I know you are thinking what a crock. Fortunately some woman don’t deal with postpartum depression or ppd some women just bounce right back after having their babies, but just because some women do doesn’t mean that’s normal. Post-partum doesn’t mean you aren’t normal it just means you had a baby and your body is reacting to it. I have to remind myself all the time that what I’m experiencing is common, and I have to constantly reach out to people and let them know when I’m not feeling like myself.  I have days when I cry all day long, but I also haven’t been able to care for myself like I should so they might play a part in it. I don’t sleep hardly ever I don’t eat and since the depression I don’t have much of an appetite. I don’t get to shower or brush my hair everyday like most people, and every little thing affects my mood. I love my baby and I know  I don’t want to harm her but I also know post-partum can bring those feelings. I recently read that a teenage girl and boy had a baby the baby was crying and the teen girl couldn’t get the baby to stop she took her baby to the backyard and put the baby in a shoebox and buried the baby. It’s not right that she did that but that could be part of post partum, it can get that serious.

I know a lot of women myself included want to try to overcome post partum by themselves and they feel like it will pass or they can handle it. Let me tell you now it only gets worse, get help if you need it and don’t let anybody make you feel bad about it. I was watching a show on The Style Network called Tia and Tamera, and got see both sisters adventure in pregnancy and motherhood. They are twin sisters who had completely different experiences which shows you no two pregnancies are the same, so don’t let anybody make you feel bad for going through something they didn’t go through. Tia had a hard pregnancy and ended up on bedrest but had her son and didn’t experience any post partum. Tamera on the other hand had a fairly easy pregnancy but she battled depression some time before being pregnant and she talked about her fear that she would experience post partum, thankful she didn’t, but she acknowledges how real it is.

If you are a mom who is in the post partum boat don’t come down hard on yourself and don’t let others come down hard on you either. Be patient with yourself and be open to talking to a doctor, a family member, your partner,or even another mom who is going through this or has been through this.

If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or your baby seek immediate professional help and don’t feel bad that you need help. I have been there and I still have my moments where I have to reach out to everyone I can to help keep me sane. Just know that getting help doesn’t make you a bad mom it is helping you to become a better mom. As much as I love my family and my fiance none of them have been through post partum depression so they give advice and it doesn’t always help sometimes it makes it much worse. I learned to reach to different people with a different outlook and even scheduled to see a doctor this weekend although I’m not having it as bad as I was a few days ago I want to have some help to know what to do if I get to that point again. The best thing you can do when you are experiencing ppd or any hardship as a parent is to reach out for help and be honest about it, don’t worry about being judged, get help. I am always open to talk about PPD with any mom I’m not an expert but I’ve been there and I can offer some advice and some tips. If you are dealing with PPD just know it wont last forever, there is an ending to it, that’s a good way to look at it. Hang in there because I promise it does get easier! o

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

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My new life

Hi everyone I’m Richelle Youngblood I’m 29 years old and as of December 18 2012 I am a mom. I spent my whole pre-teen and teenage life caring for and raising children, but I never thought about having my own. I was fairly content with life and wasn’t expecting to have a relationship so I wasn’t planning on having kids, but of course we have a plan and then God has a plan. I guess God’s plan included a man and a baby so here I am a fiance and a mom all at once.

I think being a mom is the hardest job ever! I have taken care of family members children in groups at a time, and I worked in daycares with 15 to 25 kids at once but having this one baby is such a task. I knew having a baby would change my life but not this much. I love my daughter and I feel so blessed but there are so many struggles that I face as a new mom.  I am blessed though because I have such a great support system, which is something all moms need whether its your first child or your sixth child.

Well here’s my story and I hope some of you can relate and feel like your not alone in what you’re going through. I started thinking there was no hope for me to find love, I was in an abusive relationship with a man 20 years older than me. I ended up in a hosptial battling depression so I basically had given up on men and started having the “all men are dogs” thoughts. Then I met my current fiance, he wasn’t really what I was looking for at the time but he was exactly what I needed. After a few months of dating I knew this was a perfect match but I fought it. I would always look for something to be wrong but there wasn’t much wrong so I started to create problems hoping to end this relationship. It went on from December until March and then I started having symptoms of pregnancy, and we talked about a baby but hadn’t really decided when to try, so I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I knew my life was changing but didn’t want to accept it. I had a great pregnancy minus the 2 fibroids they found which might cause me to have a c-section. I didn’t have morning sickness but I was very moody and everything made me emotional. I couldn’t wait to have my baby to be over all the drama of pregnancy so I went into labor December 17th at 6:30 and had my angel December 18th at 9:19 am. She was perfect and I had this feeling of overwhelming love, so far everything was going the way I was told it would go. I heard everyone tell their stories of pregnancy and childbirth but what happened next was new. I left the hospital after 2 days and went home with my beautiful baby girl, and after a few nights of being home I started crying uncontrollably. I was told it was baby blues and it was normal, and that it would last for a few weeks. It went from baby blues to being more depressed and then to a point where I felt like I didn’t want my baby anymore. I love her so I wasn’t sure what was going on. Then I decided to really get control of it, which I couldn’t do. I started doing stuff like listening to a bible study session once a week and playing lots of gospel music and just praying and calling on Jesus when I got those feelings and I found some people I could really talk openly to and I begin to feel soooo much better, don’t get me wrong she’s 6 weeks old and I still have those moments where I just sit and cry. I just know there are some things that can help me when I feel like that.

I was happy I found some ways to feel sane again because I was sure I was losing it, nobody told me to look out for this so I didn’t expect it, I’m listening to gospel as I write this looking at my baby girl sleep and its just so peaceful. I believe being a mom is tough if you do by yourself or if your married because every mom has the same desires for their children and we all try to go that extra mile to see them succeed. I am a stay at home mom so I get to see the single mom side of it to an extent, it’s all on me to care for her all day until daddy comes home. Then when daddy comes home I see the other side of it cause not only are you caring for your child but you have a man to care for as well. It’s very trying and stressful and I wouldn’t give it up for anything, if I have learned anything in my 29 years I know God only gives us things we can handle.

My new life is full, I don’t have much time to myself and if I get to do the smallest thing for myself I’m thrilled. I love it! The key is to honestly find an outlet as a mom, you need a way to care for yourself because if you don’t then you can’t care for your child or children properly. I’ve wanted to blog about this ever since I found out I was pregnant because I think a lot of people make motherhood sound like its all love and some stress but it’s tough. I am blessed enough to have family who brought me up in church so if I don’t know how to deal with something prayer is a good outlet for me, but let’s be real there are times I am just mad at God and I don’t want to pray. I am learning when I get in the mood to not pray God sends me a whole bunch of stuff at once to make me pray, he has a sense of humor like that. Well it’s time to feed my munchkin so I hope someone can relate to something in my story I’m just a transparent mom so my blogs are just going to be real and open and I just pray someone out there is blessed just to know they are not in this alone.

Friday’s – A mother’s last word

What is a mother worth – Anonymous

I humbly appraise my mother’s worth,
It began with pain to give me birth, Which triggered off a love so strong,
Blossoming into a life-long bond.

When needed, she was always there,
Someone I realized would always care.
And the older I got the more I knew,
A mother’s love sincere and true.

Now as I watch my mother age in years,
I’m happy to help and ease her fears.
Privileged now to play my part,
As she did for me from the very start.

Phenomenal Woman

Today a reminder of who you are!!

Phenomenal Woman By Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Carla Armstrong is a speaker, consultant and life coach for women and teens. She develops training programs for college students, single mothers and HR professionals. She may be contacted at http://www.carlaarmstrong.com.

Eliminate distractions

The first step to creating a productive environment is to eliminate every kind of distraction.

Often we say we don’t have a healthy environment because we have too many distractions in our lives. Distractions are a part of life, that we must learn to deal with if we are going to produce the kind of life we say we want.

Distractions force us to make choices. We can choose to continue on the path of not realizing our dream or we can choose to create a systematic way to use it to help us create a life of harmony. Balance in life is learning how to live in harmony with distractions.

There will always be someone or something that will be after your attention to prevent you from going after what you want. Webster defines distraction as that which divides the attention, or prevents concentration.

When you lack focus it’s not likely that you are going to achieve the things you say you want. You must create a plan to deal with distraction. Our homes, our jobs or anything that distracts us requires we creatively find a way to change our environment and produce a healthy place for growth.

Carla Armstrong is a speaker, consultant and life coach for women and teens. She develops training programs for college students, single mothers and HR professionals. She may be contacted at http://www.carlaarmstrong.com.

Friday’s A mothers last word…

You are not a victim You are a mother. By Lystra John

As we get ready to celebrate Mother’s Day, I want to share this with you my sisters.

We are Mothers, Daughters, Sisters, Friends, and Lovers. God said he would not leave us or forsake us. That being said “we are not defined as single mothers. In the dictionary single is defines as only in number, solitary.

You are not alone!!

The mere simple fact that you are mother attests to that. There are many that want to have children and can’t. You are blessed despite what it may look like.

I had an aha moment watching Oprah’s Life class, there was a woman that was having a hard time mourning the death of her husband. She identified herself as a widow. The word widow is associated with death; it is a very dark, sad word. She received advice to stop calling herself a widow, to embrace the title wife. I believe when a loved one dies in the flesh, they are alive in spirit, they are alive in our hearts, in our memories, and their soul lives on, within us and all that we do.

I am not a single mother; you are not a single mother.

WE ARE MOTHERS!!

No matter what, in death and in life we are Mothers. Let’s embrace who we are and live life to the fullest, not in pity mode.

This time of the year is also hard for many that have lost their Mother, or lost a child.

I say to you remember the good times.

I dedicate this to many that will celebrate Mother’s day without their mother, and to all that have had to bury a child.

“The Lord Bless you
And Keep you:
The Lord make
his face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you:
The Lord lift up
His countenance upon you,
And give you peace”

Numbers 6: 24-26

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!